The Card of the Day: The Nine of Swords
“Stand up to your inner-saboteur.”
The Nine of Swords has been called the “worst card in the deck.” Although the imagery isn’t as jolting as some of the other cards, it is called the “worst” because it represents the potential of the "inner-saboteur'" or "shadow self'" to attack us from within. Fear, shame, guilt, feeling utterly alone...these are all tools the inner saboteur uses to make us feel powerless. The brighter the light you shine, the greater the shadow you cast. Sensitive, kind, and creative people who bring light into the world have to be especially strong when facing their shadows. Inner shadows are like nightmares, they are scary but they don't actually exist. You are stronger than your inner saboteur, but you must stand up to it when it tries to take over your mind.
Have you ever felt your inner-saboteur? Do people like you and think you're a kind person, but you can't believe it because your shadow tells you the opposite? Have you been letting your shadow dictate how you feel about yourself, and what you think is possible for your future?
The man on the card can't sleep. His mind has been overthrown by shadow thinking. He's in the dark, the realm of shadows. His mind has been racing all night cycling from fear about the future, to guilt about his past, to self loathing for not having control in the present. His inner-saboteur is winning this fight.
Look closely at the paneling on the bed. He is submitting to his attacking inner-saboteur. But even now there is still hope. He just can't see it now because he is covering his eyes. Look at his quilt. Blankets are shields, they comfort us and remind us we are actually "safe." His blanket is covered with roses. This represents that he is still vital, and has a whole beautiful life ahead for him, despite what the shadow tells him. His quilt is also covered with the signs of the zodiac, the star patterns of the Universe. This symbolizes that he can free himself from fear if he remembers that he is alive because the Universe gave him a purpose. He is a thread in a greater universal tapestry. He actually does deserve to live and thrive, but he needs to see the truth about himself first. He is a vital part of a bigger (Universal) plan.
Everyone is given a security blanket when they're born. It's also the first thing they pass out to aid in disaster relief. God/dess, the Universe, Spirit is comforting you with the knowledge that you are not alone and are a vital part of a greater design. You wouldn't exist and be alive now, if there weren't something important that you were learning or doing. Life is school for the soul. The truth is that you were put here for a purpose. You are not garbage and never will be.
The inner-saboteur is like anything, it wants to survive and continue to exist. The more you affirm it with self loathing, guilt, shame and fear, the more it thrives. If you turn off the spigot, and instead focus on loving yourself, rejecting the shadow's lies, respecting how far you've come, and affirming your mission to spread light in the world, the shadow will lose all power.
Today stand up to your inner-saboteur. When it says you can't do something, you do it it anyway. When it says you should feel like crap, do something good for someone. If it seizes you in the shadows, turn on the lights, go to a mirror and remind yourself that you are luminous, loving, and have a mission to do on this planet that doesn't include shooting yourself in the foot.
If you are like me and struggle with shadows, it's just proof that you are packing some pretty powerful light!